50 Things I'm Thankful For v.2009

This year, Thanksgiving finds me in a different emotional state than normal. I've been a bit sappy lately. It's a trait I typically credit to estrogen but this year it is a different type of emotion. I'm grateful, so very grateful, to have Aeryn with me throughout the Holidays. Some of my friends are experiencing -for the first time- the pain of being apart from their children this week. As an observer, this is difficult.

I've been thrown back in time to a day when it was Christmas 2006, the first where Aeryn would be gone, and I was a wreck. Family functions were lacking in pleasantry, social gatherings were unappealing, and life just stood in stillness until she returned home. I couldn't wait for the holiday to end. Which is unlike me; so very, very unlike me.

As I sit on the sidelines and watch the struggle play out, I am filled with gratitude. I get to have my daughter with me nearly all the time. How silly I am to struggle when she is off on a grand adventure with another caring parent, as I have her 97% of the year. But this gratitude is diminished somewhat by the longing for her to have a more stable and consistent relationship with the man in her life. I feel grateful, yet saddened, over the same event.

And so it goes. All things have their opposites. Writing this years' list I discovered the irony in many of the things that I am most grateful for also being the things I most struggle with. I cannot lament these struggles as I recognize the growth and personal strength I gain from them. But I do wish, though impossible, that I could step in and ease the emotional struggles of so many others at this time. But I cannot. No matter how I care, or help, or incite laughter, I cannot remove the cup they bear.

And so I am recommitted to finding joy in the little things, and being grateful for my every breath, every move, and every day.


1. Finding good friends who have children and organize family friendly gatherings



2. The softness, the perfection, the pure joy of fleece sheets



3. Stable employment



4. College graduation



5. Splarkly Christmas garland that after 5 years has evolved to exactly how I want it



6. The example of good, patient, caring fathers who remind me that it is possible to find men like that



7. Empty peanut butter jars to store random bulk purchases in



8. Being able to laugh with teenage girls



9. Smiles and laughter of my little one. Never ceasing, always invigorating



10. IHOP in the wee hours of the morning



11. A surprisingly too-full social calendar



12. The new limited edition Cherry Cordial Steven's Gourmet hot chocolate



13. Huge buckets of peppermint patties from Costco



14. Teenage daughters of a friend inviting me to have a sleepover



15. Fresh limes



16. A couple fun, happy students who voluntarily visit me after school hours just to say hi



17. Mini cans of Dole pineapple juice



18. Meteors that light up the night sky as though daytime



19. More methods of electronic communication than I can keep up with



20. Digital point-and-shoot cameras that fit into a small purse pocket



21. Upcoming travel plans, even if they never get beyond the "dream" stage



22. Live music



23. Friends that are as consistent and comfortable as old running shoes



24. Reliable transportation



25. Abundant educational opportunities to improve one's condition, one's employment, or just one's sense of self



26. IKEA $20 coffee tables



27. Microplane graters



28. Borrowing other people's babies



29. Snowflakes



30. Burned cheese on toasty sandwiches



31. A lack of consumer debt



32. The awesomely perfect wool Banana Republic coat I got brand new for 47% of regular price, when it wasn't on sale



33. Socks without holes



34. The soft flicker of candlelight



35. Being able to communicate with former spouse effectively and without tension



36. Neighbor children who stress me out to the point of developing greater levels of patience and compassion than I have heretofore known



37. Breakfast-dinner Wednesdays



38. Hope for the future



39. Genuine feelings of forgiveness – and the forgetting that accompanies it



40. Peach freezer jam



41. Online house shopping



42. Rental car companies



43. Snuggling - with reciprocated interest



44. Realization of potential



45. High speed Internet



46. Expiring phone contracts and the new phones that follow soon after



47. Happy memories replacing the challenging ones at the forefront of my mind



48. Adaptation



49. A low insurance premium lifestyle



50. A life of beauty, abundance, and joy - even if it is not the way I pictured it when I embarked on my present journey.
    
    
    
    Previous Years:
    
    
    2008
    
    
    2007