The day started out normal enough

And then CJane posted this. At once I was removed to another time and place, in the depths of my memory, six and one half years ago to when I was expecting my little one. It was December, mere weeks before her arrival into this world and I too felt the call to submerge myself into a resplendent bath. Those last few months of pregnancy offered little of physical comfort and I dipped into the bath with little expectation. All my life I've had a penchant for hot water. Hot steamy showers, scalding baths, hot tubs. While serving as an oven myself, I was panicked about hot water and this bath was much more tepid than I typically prefer. It was also shallower, as my nervousness led me to terminate the water level at the base of my protruding belly.

Gazing down upon my bulbous midsection, I saw quite unexpectedly her little body twirling around. On initial thought, it reminded me of Aliens, or the X-Files and I thought that this must be what it's like to have an alien cohabitating within. I pushed that thought aside immediately, because it honestly disturbed me somewhat, and was caught up in the symphony of her movements.

Never before had my unborn child moved like this. Never before had I sat still and just been one with the life blossoming within me. I could see her feet clearly, as they kicked near my ribs. The size, the very shape of them, was evident. I could tell her heels and her toes, I could feel the form of her head and it seemed she must be small to have such adequate tumbling grounds. Smaller than I felt, at least. As she performed her acrobatics, flipping head over feet and twirling for her audience of one, I felt a connection stronger than I could have predicted.

For years I believed I'd never be a mom, though I ached for it an indescribable amount. Throughout the pregnancy, I was filled with doubt and avoided letting myself feel an attachment for fear that something would prevent her arrival coming to fruition. This was the moment I changed, the moment I reveled in the joy that was mine and the future that resided with me. At that moment, I let myself feel the beauty of motherhood in all its potential and idealism. This was the day I became a mother.