mom is crazy

the little one is now covered with pink felt facial features, pink pipe cleaner eyebrows, a pink flower in her "hair", and googly eyes. we aim for girly around here.

i've been contemplating the mixed blessings of having a mother heart. of feeling so deeply and loving so completely that life is often overrun by emotion. case in point: aeryn's field trip to pumpkin land.

she was soooooooooo excited (did i mention she was excited?) and talked about it every day for a full week beforehand. she told everyone she talked to and went to sleep early for two nights in anticipation. and of course i was thrilled for her too. you can't exactly see your offspring in the throws of elation and not be happy. the most exciting thing though was not pumpkinland, it was that she got to ride the bus 3 times that day.

when i picked her up from school that afternoon, she was frantic. there were tears, oh yes, and she near collapsed when she saw me. i thought something dreadful must have happened. something crazy or frightening or hurtful or uncertain. behind her came one of the parent helpers with the lil' pumpkin in hand. it's stem had broken off.

ok, here's where the 'mom is crazy' part comes in. i was so very sad for her. the depth of her disappointment really stabbed me to the core. knowing how anxiously she waited for the trip and how joyously and carefully she picked out her own little squash, it was almost more than i could bear to see her so saddened. i cried all the way home. correction: i came awfully close to sobbing.

i know it's no big deal and that stems often fall off when the pumpkin is really ripe and that it dried enough we tacky glued it back together and that she was over it in about 45 minutes and that it's just one of those little things about life that is no big deal even when it feels like it. i'm an adult darnit and i know better than to be all a-flutter over such a little thing. but then i look in those blue eyes and i feel her pain. i know of her disappointment without a word being spoken. and then i ache because though it isn't really a big deal (it's not contributing to the price of oil, genocide, or what i believe to be the biggest problem globally - apathy) it was for the time being the most important detail in her world.

so i must face reality. i am a sap. literally. i'm done for. if i can't keep my composure over a pumpkin stem, let's just hope nothing really significant ever happens. my mother heart wouldn't endure it.