A week of just me - Day 1

Not too long ago, a friend mentioned that she'd love to read a post about single parenting. I've been thinking a lot about it and not come to any conclusion what to say or how to say it. Today I drove Aeryn to Colorado so she could spend a week with her dad. I'm already feeling the void. I've decided to blog every day about what I do and feel when I have no little one to take care of. I'm already experiencing a huge range of emotion. From crying because I miss her, to being excited for all the things I can accomplish with so much time, to just being completely displaced. For today, a little background on us. If you know the inner workings of my life as well as I do, just skip all this.

My husband and I separated when Aeryn was 18 months old. I went back to work and was blessed with great employers who worked with my unique needs. It didn't happen overnight of course, but as I proved myself valuable the liberties they gave far exceeded any hope I could have had. For the next 15 months, we did the full time working mom/full time day care thing. It was rough. 45 minutes together getting ready in the morning, an hour or so in the evening, plus commute times- and most of the time at home was spent eating. At times we had a mere $5 disposable income per month. Hard on a kid, harder on a mom, but we made it work.

Looking for a job was difficult. My work experience is very industry specific. Although my skills are extremely varied, the industry limitation made it hard to get interviews elsewhere. I recognized that I would need to finish school to make myself more valuable, if just to actually land interviews for jobs I was qualified for. Although I could live on what I was making, and my employers were very flexible and wonderful, I wanted more freedom to prioritize parenting. That was not going to happen unless something changed. I looked into online programs and selected UW for their online Business Administration degree. Only I didn't have a computer, Internet access, or time.

A few personal variables changed and I decided I was sick of being alone. I had "proved" to myself that I could be ok alone (very important for my crazy independent personality) but realized in the process that I didn't want to be. I made the drastic decision to move to Utah near my family and return to UVSC, where I had earned my A.S. years before, to complete my B.S. This required me to return to court for permission to relocate, a new parenting plan, renovating (slightly) and selling my house, quitting a job that had been sooo very good to me, and moving into my parents basement apartment; not to mention returning to school. It was a difficult, exciting, and emotional transition.

It took a couple semesters to narrow down a major. I still found myself spending almost as much time away from Aeryn as if I had been working full time. However, much of this time she was with family so I felt less guilty being away and yet more guilty at the same time for receiving so much help. Living with family required a huge adjustment for all of us. As things stand right now, I am a senior in Earth Science Education. This summer I'll take the Praxis exam and be on my way to a secondary certification to teach 8-9th grade Earth Science. I'm enrolled full time (3 upper division geology classes, 1 upper division education class, and latin ballroom- for kicks) which means she's in preschool full time in addition to private speech therapy. Along with my B.S., I'm working toward a Graduate Gemologist diploma through distance education. I stay busy, but by the end of 2009 I should have both degrees completed. Just this week I started to think that a Masters in Geology could be fun, but that's a little too ambitious to even joke about right now.

That's the jist of it. My life is so simple compared to what it could be. I only have to work a minimal amount to meet my needs and my expenses are few. We do alright just the two of us, but in reality it isn't just the two of us. Grandma and Grandpa are upstairs with a hug or a few minutes of play time. I do wish life had worked out differently, but I think that we are tremendously blessed. I feel like I have the opportunity to escape the "plight of the single mother", as I call it. Of Aeryn's 5 years, I've only worked for 15 months, even though we've been on our own 3 1/2 of those years. School may be time away from her, but it feels completely different. I miss having my own space, and being able to paint a wall when the moment strikes, but I believe that my choices are improving our lives long term, even when my impatience gets the best of me. One day, I'll have Food Network again. Ahh... small luxuries.

As for today, I spent most of the day in the car. Driving to Grand Junction to send Aeryn off to Denver with her dad, lunch at Applebee's with him and his girlfriend (to make for an easier transition for Aeryn), and driving back. The trip completely wore me out. I was home by 6 and went straight to the school to study. I studied for an hour or so, talked to the munchkin on the phone, did some grocery shopping, and came home. I didn't feel like cooking for one so I spent dinner with my good friends Ben and Jerry. I figure I have time over the next several days to go running.